LinkedIn is bullshit. No, really, I mean that. It’s the kind of social media that no one likes sincerely, and if they do, there is something deeply wrong with them.
Most posts are “I’m happy to share I’ve started a new position at this great new company!” This chirpy happy bullshit is 70% of what’s wrong with American-flavored capitalism. And yeah, I know you think this is just me being grouchy and going off like I used to do, and let’s be real, it is.
But also: No one much cares.
In fact, the only time anyone cares about you starting at a new job is if:
- They think they’re better than you and want to know what kind of job you just landed.
- They think you’re better than them and want to see if you can help them get a job.
- They dislike you intensely and are plotting your demise.
- That’s it. I can’t think of any other situations anyone would care.
If you think of a reason why someone might care, by all means share your comments below.
But if they really cared, they’d call you, send you a text, message you on WhatsApp, act like a grandparent on Facebook, or drive their car off a cliff while using TruthSocial.
You know it’s true.
No one cares about your birthday on LinkedIn, either. It’s like a work breakroom party except there’s no cake at all, you can’t smell whatever burned in the microwave, and you don’t actually have to see any of these people, so I guess maybe it’s good for something after all.
Okay, I’m mostly salty because I’m trying like hell to avoid doing my resume up again, and I might have to go on LinkedIn to kind of sort of try to look for a new job in the near future, because our New Bright Future mostly seems to involve tearing everything down and making sure things are so broken that nothing and no one works anymore.